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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402725">Undercover On The Bachelorette</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itneveroccurredtomeatall/pseuds/Itneveroccurredtomeatall'>Itneveroccurredtomeatall</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Torchwood Bingo 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005), The Bachelorette (TV), Torchwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, M/M, Reality TV, Undercover, Undercover Missions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:19:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itneveroccurredtomeatall/pseuds/Itneveroccurredtomeatall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack, Owen, and Ianto are going undercover. On national television. On the Bachelorette. </p><p>Donna Noble has always been unlucky in love. She's hoping to change that by going on the Bachelorette.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Torchwood Bingo 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Torchwood Fan Fests: Bingo Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Undercover On The Bachelorette</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is ridiculous, but it was fun to write! Torchwood and reality tv are my guilty pleasures and lockdown has given me lots of time to indulge. :) </p><p>I might write more in the future, but I'm not sure yet. </p><p>This is for my undercover / disguise square on my Bingo card!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This is bloody ridiculous,” Owen muttered as he shrugged his suit jacket on once Jack had explained what they were going to be doing. “Honestly, Jack, it’s humiliating.” </p><p>“I’m not having any of that,” Jack replied. “No complaining. I don’t care if all of the friends you don’t actually have make fun of you for the rest of your life. You’re doing this. And, come on, it’ll be fun!” </p><p>“Fun?” Ianto raised an eyebrow as Owen glared at Jack.  </p><p>“A house full of the most eligible bachelors in the country? That’s everyone’s definition of fun, Ianto,” Jack replied. </p><p>“How did they even let you in?” Owen asked as he started tying his tie. “I mean, your accent, even if isn’t American, screams, <em> I’m an American asshole</em>.” His voice took on an American lilt at the end.</p><p>“I’ll hae ye ken ‘at Ah can dae a braw Scottish accent.” </p><p>Owen and Ianto both stared at Jack in disbelief. </p><p>“Sorry, what?” Owen said dumbly. </p><p>Jack flashed Owen a winning grin. “What can I say? Over the years, I’ve picked up a few tricks.” </p><p>Owen took a moment to process the fact that Jack could pull a thick Scottish accent out of his arse at the drop of a hat. “Okay, so how can we, as members of a top secret organization, go on a tv show that is televised nationally?” he finally asked. </p><p>“Donna’s more important,” Jack said simply. </p><p>“And it’s not like everyone in Cardiff doesn’t already know that we’re located down the Bay,” Ianto said drily. </p><p>Owen glared at the younger man. “Whose side are you on, Ianto?” </p><p>Ianto shrugged. “I don’t want to go on the Bachelorette any more than you do, but it’s true. Everyone, their mother, and their grandmother knows about Torchwood. It doesn’t help that the SUV we drive all around the city says Torchwood.” He cast a pointed glance at Jack who pretended not to notice. </p><p>“As soon as we get there, you’ll understand,” Jack said. “Donna is… well, she’s Donna. She’s my friend. She’s the Doctor’s friend. We have to help her.”</p><p>“With what, exactly?” Owen had finished tying his tie. “You weren’t very specific in the briefing….” </p><p>“It’s a long story, but the gist of it is that Donna knew too much and the Doctor took away her memories to save her life. If she remembers him, if she remembers traveling across time and space, she’ll die, and... so we have to... each day that we're there... in order to save her.... It'll be hard...”</p><p>Owen zoned out at some point. He was certain he missed something important, like how exactly going on the Bachelorette would help this Donna out. He made a mental note to ask Ianto to explain it to him in a more straightforward way. Jack had always loved going on tangents and once he started, there was no stopping him. </p><p>“Okay, fine. This bird’s important, a good friend, and all that. But wouldn’t she recognize you?” </p><p>Jack shook his head. “We should be alright. We only met briefly so I shouldn’t trigger any major memories.” </p><p>“Shouldn’t?” Ianto’s brow furrowed. </p><p>“Yes, shouldn’t,” Jack snapped. “This is an entirely new situation. There is no precedent. We’re just going to have to do the best we can.” </p><p>They were silent for a moment as Ianto and Owen exchanged slightly worried glances.</p><p>“Wouldn’t it be easier if we were in the crew?” Owen asked. “Like cameramen or something? At least we wouldn’t have to worry about being eliminated.” </p><p>“Do you know how hard it is to get a job on this show?” Jack demanded.</p><p>“Well, no. ‘Course I don’t. But it can’t be harder than it is to get on the bloody show, can it?” </p><p>“Trust me when I tell you that yes, yes it absolutely can be harder to get on the camera crew than to get on the show,” Jack said. But he was grinning and Owen was willing to bet money that Jack hadn’t even tried. </p><p>“I’m not happy about this,” Owen muttered darkly. </p><p>“You’re never happy about anything,” Jack retorted and Owen couldn’t exactly argue with that. </p><p>“Did you know that the girls are placing bets?” Owen demanded. </p><p>“I heard,” Ianto said. “Gwen’s bet on Jack getting the furthest. She reckons he’ll be there for the hometown visits.” Ianto turned his gaze to Owen. “She thinks you’ll go home the first night.” </p><p>Owen bristled. “Yeah? Well, what does Tosh think?” </p><p>“She’s only a little more favorable toward you,” Ianto informed him. “She’s bet you’ll make it to the fourth week, but no further.” </p><p>Jack laughed and Owen glared at him.</p><p>Suddenly, all three of their mobiles buzzed. </p><p>“Car’s here,” Ianto said. </p><p>Owen took one last look in the mirror, decided his tie was straight enough to make an appearance on national tv, and stepped out of the hotel room with Jack and Ianto at his heels. </p>
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